Why Self Care Isn't Just About Beauty Products

Several years ago I was the Operations Manager of a small restaurant. I was in charge of pretty much everything from scheduling and inventory to running shifts and handling hiring and firing. I LOVED my job. It was one that I had worked hard for. I started as a cashier, then got promoted to shift manager, where I struggled to command authority and respect due to my small stature and quiet voice. So I worked my butt of to earn that respect and was promoted again. My employees knew that I would never ask something of them that I wasn't willing to do myself. They also knew that I was prepared to work just as hard if not harder than them on any given day.

I don't tell you this to brag, I don't even work there any more, but I'm setting the stage for the point I'm trying to make. Which is that i was wicked good at my job.

One day, I was chatting with my boss, a man, about an employee who had given his two weeks notice. I had asked him to stick around a few extra weeks to get us through the busy season and he had agreed to do it. My boss, then made a flippant comment that I could get guys to do what I wanted by "batting my eyelashes at them". I don't tell you this to bash him. He TRULY did not mean anything by it, and it was said in a light hearted manner. However, It did piss me off. I laughed it off and went about my day but it ate at me. I went home that night and vented about it to my husband who then, logical guy that he is, said, "So what are you going to do about it?"

The next day I sat down with my boss and explained that his comment made me feel uncomfortable. That I couldn't do my job well if he or anyone else thought that my success was from anything less than me working my ass off to get it. He apologized and assured me that he didn't mean anything by it, (he really is an awesome guy) and I kindly told him that I knew that, however, it was still not an appropriate thing to say to me. He agreed, we moved past it and it never happened again.

Why did I just tell you that entire story? Because I want you to understand that standing up for yourself is the most important kind of self care you can do. It's literally taking CARE of your SELF. I could have brushed it off and never brought it up again, but let's be honest i would have been seething about it. It would make me think less of my boss and there is the possibility that it would happen again. Having that conversation was one of the most uncomfortable things I've ever done but it was such an important one to have in order for me to effectively do my job.

I want you to know that if you're ever in a similar situation, giving people the benefit of the doubt and TALKING about it is the only way that opinions are going to change. I'm not someone who believes in the "gender pay gap" but that doesn't mean that I've never experienced sexism, and no matter how mild, addressing it KINDLY, and INSTANTLY is the only way that it's going to fade.

And as long as we are talking about standing up for yourself, I don't just mean in the workplace. If you order a drink at a restaurant and you hate it, KINDLY send it back! You don't have to drink it just to avoid confrontation (i'm speaking to myself here). The restaurant wants you to enjoy your meal and your server wants you to be happy! If you get a hair cut and you're not loving it, GO BACK TO THE STYLIST and KINDLY ask them to fix it! They want you to love it so that you'll tell all your friends where you got it done! If you buy something and notice that it went on sale the next day, KINDLY ask for them to honor the price. I bet that they will! You're doing a disservice to people and yourself by grinning and bearing it. Life is too short to be annoyed by fixable things.

You may have also noticed a pattern in my advice. Kindness is the most important part of these daily interactions. If you're being a jerk to your waiter then we can't be friends because that makes you a bad person but expecting to enjoy the food that you are paying for is PERFECTLY ACCEPTABLE as long as you are KIND. I'll say it one more time for the people in the back. KINDNESS is the key here.

So go on my friends. Be bold. Don't shy away from confrontation. Stand up for yourself. Be Kind. That's all I got!

#selfcare